Holiday Decoration Police Needed
So I’m driving to work this morning in the winter pre-dawn dark and I see them glowing in the gloom.
Christmas lights. Still up, still on, violating all the laws of God, man and nature.
It’s bad enough that we have holiday creep which has crammed Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas into what cartoonist Tim Rickard calls “Thanksweenmas” (“It’s the headless Turkey Claus!”) I’ve accepted the fact that it’s too late to do anything about that. But I believe it’s still possible to do something about holiday decoration hangover.
There is nothing sadder than Christmas lights still up in mid-January, unless its Christmas lights still up in February. The only thing worse is seeing an apple-cheeked Santa figure or happy Frosty the Snowman cutout still forlornly adorning somebody’s window far past its expiration date.
That’s why we need the Holiday Decoration Police. This would be a roving squad that would go into action sometime around Jan. 5 to make the streets safe for post-New Year’s depression. If necessary, they would be authorized to use force to take down any tardy, glistening reminders of Xmas and pack them safely into boxes where they need to remain until next year.
Ah heck, who am I kidding? Given the ongoing holiday creep, they would no sooner finish getting the last light down when it would be time to start putting them up again. So Happy Thanksweenmas! Just leave the darn things up until the Christmas season starts again, which next year should be about August.
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There could be a simple solution to the over extended display of holiday season lights and decorations. The city would institute a permit (with appropriate fees) to allow the continued display of holiday season lights and decorations. Unless said permit is acquired for the display of aformentioned lights and decorations, a fine (which would be set based on the size and scope of the property decorations) shall be levied against the offending premise owners.
I see the dollars rolling in to the city’s coffers…………