I’m feeling very evolutionary today
“Women’s suspicion that men are Neanderthals less likely than ever” the headline read.
The article was about the Y (as in “guy”) chromosome and the fact that it has been found evolving faster than the rest of the genetic code.
“It’s an almost ongoing churning of gene reconstruction,” said Dr. David Page of the prestigious Whitehead Institute in Cambridge. “It’s like a house that’s constantly being rebuilt.”
Well, guys can relate to that. We’re constantly rebuilding things, which is why we invented tools. Yes, it was far back in the dim mists of time that a guy picked up a rock and, prompted by his ever-evolving Y chromosome, realized it could be used as a hammer. He then promptly smacked his thumb with it trying to hang a picture on the cave wall and invented “the ouch! G-d–m it!” dance which, in turn, led to the invention of “hysterical laughter” by all the women who were watching.
But enough of that. It’s nice to know that all these years us guys have had an “evolutionary powerhouse” (to quote the article) as part of our makeup. This is especially gratifying considering that until recently the lowly Y chromosome “was considered the Rodney Dangerfield of genetics, especially because it had fewer genes than others.”
I can hear my Y chromosomes chuckling even now. In fact, I’m a little worried. All those years of harassment and teasing by the other genes have probably left those Y chromosomes with a mighty big chip on their shoulders. I’m wondering if we’re not going to see the genetic equivalent of that Charles Atlas comic which was a staple of the back pages of comics for many years.
You know the one. It’s where the wimpy Y chromosome gets sand kicked in his face by a big, muscle-bound beach-bully chromosome and, after going home enrolls in the Charles Atlas chromosome-building course and in just a few short months develops a manly chromosome physique, goes back to the gene beach and punches out that lousy beach bully chromosome.
Of course, that might not happen. Another possibility is that after discovering it is an evolutionary powerhouse, the Y chromosomes will remember the words of thier gentle, wise Uncle Ben Chromosome who counseled that “with great power comes great responsibility.” So instead of wailing on the beach bully chromosome, they will adopt a secret identity and only use their awesome abilities when evil threatens or they want to impress a chick.
They will also use their newfound evolutionary awesomeness to invent improved versions the Beer Hat, the potato gun and motorized bar stools.
Y chromosomes. Ya gotta love ‘em.
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