It’s Here! It’s Here!

The high point of the Holiday Season has arrived!

Yes, it’s Dave Barry’s Annual Christmas Gift Guide. And you can view it here.

This year’s edition is up to Mr. Barry’s high standards, which because he lives in Miami are defined as “sea level.” Despite that, Dave and his plucky crew have delivered a host of holiday gift selections which, if nothing else, help confirm Southern Florida’s status as narcotics capital U.S.A.

But one thing that’s missing from the list is a rare, precious substance that I think the Wise Men would have given baby Jesus had it been available back then.

We’re talking trans fat.

Think about it. Just about everything you pick up at the store these days (or at least most of the junk I buy that masquerades as food) proudly proclaims “CONTAINS NO TRANS FAT!” This is pasted on stuff which I suspect is fried in pure lard before packaging. In fact, I wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw a barrel of salt pork sitting on a shelf which had “ZERO TRANS FAT!” in foot-high letters, along with “LOW SODIUM (SORT OF)!”

So I’ve concluded that trans fat must be an incredibly valuable substance along the lines of gold, frankincense and myrrh and should, therefore, make a perfect Christmas gift. Man, I just can’t wait to see the look on the faces of my friends and family when they open up their Xmas packages this year. Yum!

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