So you remember my almost son, Jeremy Gonzalez, of course, co star of the PRACTICALLY WORLD FAMOUS podcast, “Almost Your Mother.”
Naturally the minute I was out of town and not keeping a close eye, the boy went ice skating. Just normal, family-style ice skating, mind you, not Olympic triple Axel jumps.
But Jeremy is always over-the-top, so he went big before going home. With one fall of an average-height man, my almost son broke his upper fibula and separated the ankle bone from the leg bone.
Surgery and screws followed.
And now, everyyyyyoooone gets the fallout. Jeremy is in pain and bored beyond his capacity to be bored. Which is quite short in the best of times.
He can’t drive or put pressure on his foot for nearly six weeks. He can get out of bed, crutch three steps to a chair and stay there the entire day, working his job from his laptop.
“I keep tripping on my crutches. Not because I’m so clumsy but because I hate moving so slow,” he told me today. “I really can’t do anything.”
This is the guy that moves through life at about 89 mph on the slowest days. His Facebook profile is populated with pictures of him taking crazy leaps with splayed legs. When Camo Man and I went bowling with Jeremy and his better (seriously better) half, he had to show off by leap-frogging the ball-return machine.
His four kidoodles are handling this new version of Daddy well, he assured me. “They come and give me hugs and kisses every time they see me.”
That’s not going to last, I warned him. I figure by this time next week, his adorable ones are going to be a little less patient with the father who is not only bored but boring.
In the meantime, I’ve got the adult kid who is posting his whining on Facebook. I warned him I was going to blog about this and his response? “I don’t get a whole column, just a blog post?”
Here’s what I need you, want you, am begging you to do — flood Jeremy’s email with messages. Send him funny stories, pictures of your cat, knock-knock jokes, cheerful anecdotes, whatever. Anything to STOP THE WHINING. Send all this and more to Gonzo.firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you’ve never met him, all the better. Get your friends to do the same. Get your mom in on this, too. Post this everywhere and spread the pain…I mean, word.
“Tell them I’m not satisfied with a blog.” PUNISH HIM.