This morning started off with steam coming out of my ears.
It’s been a really busy week, plus I somehow threw out my back on Sunday. Just today I can finally look side to side without turning my whole body.
I trundled my sheets downstairs to our spacious, well-furnished, perfectly functional laundry facility at 0′dark thirty.
Nothing says “weekend” like waking up in clean. crisp sheets, in my opinion.
And, lo, I did behold a laundry room that instantly MADE ME MAD. One overflowing hamper (and this ain’t no sissy hamper), another one half filled. A basket of what were once wet clothes waiting their turn for the dryer was now a crinkled mess of dry-ish laundry.
Camo Dog had pulled ALL her master’s socks into her crate to keep her company during the day after robbing the basket of lights and strewing its contents around.
And about 11 loads of jeans and T-shirts. Really.
My own clothes? Upstairs in their basket, waiting for my attention. Which comes every weekend. Meaning none of this was my stuff.
I came just a tiny bit unglued, firing off a text to every member of my family, saying no one sleeps tonight until this is all caught up.
Naturally I whine to my friend, as well. And? We came up with the most brilliant idea in the history of ideas! Here’s how our conversation looked:
Kaysun: I have an idea. “Mom Defender.” Mom Defenders come to your house for the CTJ (Come to Jesus) meeting.
Kaysun: All fire and brimstone.
Me: I would so pay for that.
Kaysun, in Mom Defender mode: YOUR MOTHER WORKS SO HARD! *shakes fist, raises eyes heavenward*
Me: And stomps.
Kaysun: YOU. HAVE. NO. I. DEA. *hangs head, exhausted* AND WE MUST AAAAAAAL PITCH IN.
ME: I could throw furniture.
Kaysun: Oh, you’d have to charge extra for furniture.
Kaysun: Imma need a James Brown cape.
Me: Wooden rolling pins!
Kaysun: Frying pans!
Me: Pepper spray! Wait…too far?
Kaysun: Heck no! I am lit up like a Christmas tree imagining this.
Me: We would be like doulas that come for birthing times. Except we’d be birthing Mom tantrums!
As you can see, it’s easy to get carried away. Except every mother out there is right now picturing hiring a Mom Defender to come to her house for a little chat with the family. You know you are.
As soon as the capes get sewn, we are available for hire, under “Righteous Mothers” on Facebook. Unless we’ve settled upon “Righteous Muthas.” We haven’t decided yet. Call us.