Father’s Day, whether I like it or not
Father's Day
No, no, no, no.
Please don’t let Father’s Day come. Last month was bad enough.
I suspected Mother’s Day was going to be a bummer, but it was easily five times worse than I thought.
It shouldn’t have been. Bad, yes, but horrible? My children did all the right things, despite their own sorrow at the loss of their father at the end of January. Breakfast was well thought out, kind people had helped my youngest ones with wonderful gifts…and I think we did something for dinner, although I was so sad by that point nothing registered.
My chief point of light was supposed to be church. Soothing, uplifting songs, meaty message of hope, doing good in the face of evil…something that wasn’t all grief, all the time.
Twenty minutes before leaving the house, I remembered — it was my turn to take Children’s Church. There went hope of not remembering it was Mother’s Day for even an hour of the day. Not when shepherding extra kiddos.
I spent the afternoon on my living room floor, curled into a fetal ball, sending mental messages to my kids to keep playing outside. I cried, off and on, rubbing my eyes raw in between. Jack-the-dachshund licked my unresponsive face, nudged my tightly-curled toes.
To no avail. There was no earthly comfort that day.
I learned a few things. One, all the whining I had done for years about how much work Mother’s Day is for mothers? I’ve eaten those words now. In fact, David went so overboard that his children never lacked for a role model — if one gift is good, get 10! Buy big, gushy cards! Plan one, two, three activities!
He loved being a dad
I’m going into this weekend better prepared. This Father’s Day calls for no gaps. If I could, I’d pull a Rip Van Winkle, but we know that’s not going to happen.
It was tough to make Father’s Day as special as the boy made Mother’s Day. Anything we could reasonably afford he went out and bought for himself. I tried to think of something, anything, to surprise him but rarely accomplished my mission.
Of course, there was the year I gifted him with a pregnancy, but…let’s just say we were both very surprised.
A proud Dad day
But we Hagar women are going to do our best to craft a day that would have honored our guy. We should start the day with a walk through Harris Park or a country drive, go to a movie — buying popcorn and Junior Mints — and flick through car magazines in the grocery store.
I’d say barbecue in the late afternoon, too, but some sweetheart gave us a gift card to eat out and we’ve saved it for just this occasion.
We’ll finish the day with root beer floats, hopefully with our neighbors, a treat and gathering David loved.
It’s going to be OK, I hope. If not, it won’t be for lack of crying, er, trying.
The last baby
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Sheila, your post made me realize that I need to make Father’s Day more special. I hope you and the kiddos are able to find some joy and good memories on Sunday!
Blessings to you and your family as you remember and celebrate the man whom you love and miss.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us and for sharing the pictures–although I never met your husband, I enjoyed seeing his smile.
My Dad died a year ago; I had not thot about it before, but you have shown me that it is important to call my Mom on Father’s Day. Thank you.
Thank you, as always, Shelia, for letting us share your world. Sad or happy (or both, as in “sappy”) you make me think. Thank you for the special pictures. May the unending power of love help you through the day!
“a day that would have honored our guy” doesn’t feel right to me. The present tense is the one I am looking for because when you give so much love, you never leave the hearts of those who count on you.
All our love.
I empathize with you, Sheila….. unfortunbately some pain never disappears, it just dulls…but on the upside it’s wonderful evidence of LOVE
my prayers are with you and your family, as they have been since you lost the love of your life. keep sharing your thoughts–that is a part of healing!
May the events of this Father’s Day help you and the kids cement the happy memories of past Father’s Days in your hearts and minds forever.
Thanks for the reminder of root beer floats….used to take my dad for that long ago, and think I’ll do it again….at 82 that should bring back some nice memories for him…wish we had an A & W here….
Sheila,
My love and prayers are with you this Father’s Day!! My own dad
passed away when I was twelve and I well remember my mom, now a
single mom with five daughters, saying to us on that first father’s day,
“he’s not here but we’re still having that barbeque!!!” and we always
did every year! I thank her now forty years later for continuing to
celebrate his life and our love for him. Blessings are your day Sheila!
May you know how deeply you and your family are loved.
Connie
I love the pictures. That smile of his in all the pictures shows his true pride and happiness in his family! What a jolly and super enthusiastic man! I know his spirit will never leave you. Blessings to you!!!